Help, Not Hurt.
This summary was AI generated.
This article explores why feedback is often emotionally challenging and offers strategies for making it more effective. The author argues that we view our work as personal stories where we're the protagonist, making feedback feel like someone is hijacking our narrative.
Key insights:
The Problem: Both giving and receiving feedback often becomes defensive and focused on avoiding shame rather than improving work. When giving feedback, we think "these people don't get it" and try to force our perspective. When receiving it, we defend our work to avoid feeling like failures.
Three Principles for Better Feedback:
Help understand how we got here - Good feedback connects past decisions to current results without blame. It should be conversational (not just written notes), direct rather than vague, and help people see the path that led to problems.
Invite contribution, don't control - Rather than giving specific solutions, present the problem clearly and let the person whose job it is to solve it find their own approach. Be "just specific enough" to identify issues but leave room for creative solutions.
Tell a story about the future - Build shared vision through positive feedback that acknowledges what's working well. This makes it easier to fix problems because you have something solid to build around.
Practical tips: Don't give feedback until timing is right, admit when you're wrong (which gives others permission to do the same), and always say thank you for contributions.
The core message: shift feedback from being about self-protection to being about shared goals and building something better together.
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